I've just come home after spending the night with the lover. After 7 months of keeping things sex related only....the barriers all came crashing down.
We talked. We always have talked, we've had the deep and meaningfull's but last night was really something.
All his defences were put too one side and he told me everything that he was thinking....especially about us. 7 months of not pushing this, taking care that I dont get emotionally attached, never letting myself completely go and he goes and takes it too the next level in one night.
The best thing he said was that he thanks God everyday that he has me in his life.
Things have now changed. It just got a whole lot more complicated.
Thing is....we will never be in a proper relationship. Its not what I want from him and he knows even if he could, he is not the best boyfriend material, what with all the drugs and womanising.
So, I ask you....where do we go from here?
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deisegirl
- 2008-07-14 @ 15:59:21
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- 2008-07-14 @ 18:48:42
thanking of god eh? Also what drugs, momma always said never trust a basehead, they would steal your kidney if they knew where to sell it. I have a weed habbit and im serious about it, however i do not have a serious weed habit, if that makes sense? drugs can radically alter a persons perceptions and morality etc. drugs and emotion = dangerous mix. from experience habbitual addictive drug users generally end up like pinballs, they start at the top, bounce off one thing to another, until they hit the bottom and somtimes the go clean through the last ditch attemp of salvation (not in the biblical sense, more the sense of hacking a limb off because of gangrene) philosophy aside, what do you want to do? generally if i dont do what i want to do i get pissed off and regret it. however there are times im glad i didnt, might take a while to realise that however.
thnks for reading my scrawlings
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MarkJT
- 2008-07-14 @ 19:24:38
Down a slippery slope?
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Collar
- 2008-07-15 @ 00:55:30
Can only one person take it to the next level by themselves? What have you already chosen?
"Best thing he said was..." doesn't actually change anything by itself no matter how sweet it was to hear....
Maybe the excitement he has brought has shone a light on your longterm relationship.. and that's hard... doesn't strike me it has to be one or the other -
hi hun,no 1,thanks for the invite (my first one yipeeeeeee) and no 2 sounds like the guy is really getting hooked on ya which from what you have said in other posts is not a good thing.Try and get out now while ya can i know what its like chasing the bad boy and being unfortunate enough to catch the f**ker lol.no matter what advice is given to ya do what you think is best for yourself
take care..deise xx