I've just come home after spending the night with the lover. After 7 months of keeping things sex related only....the barriers all came crashing down.
We talked. We always have talked, we've had the deep and meaningfull's but last night was really something.
All his defences were put too one side and he told me everything that he was thinking....especially about us. 7 months of not pushing this, taking care that I dont get emotionally attached, never letting myself completely go and he goes and takes it too the next level in one night.
The best thing he said was that he thanks God everyday that he has me in his life.
Things have now changed. It just got a whole lot more complicated.
Thing is....we will never be in a proper relationship. Its not what I want from him and he knows even if he could, he is not the best boyfriend material, what with all the drugs and womanising.
So, I ask you....where do we go from here?