Oh! The lover has gone away for 5 weeks. Back to his homeland to spend time with his family. I feel like I have had a limb removed. Apologies to anyone who actually has had a limb removed.
I thought I would be fine if we ever split but i have now realised I wouldn't be. I miss him terribly and this is a situation where I know he is coming back. I think it would kill me if it was a situation where he wasn't. Just shows you, you are always more attached than you think. I fooled myself into thinking I was happily in control and emotionally unattached. Fooey!
My "friends" in the mean time, are pissing me off. I use the term Friends very loosely. They are more.....acqauintances than friends. Over time my affair has become public knowledge with these people and because they have loose bits of crappy information, they think this gives them a right too access what happens to me. I'm sick and tired of being asked how things are. Believe me, they are not asking me because they actually give a damn how i'm doing. No, they are asking me in the hopes that I will give them something to talk about.
Also it seems that I have started a trend. Since I have started seeing this guy, 3 other girls have decided to get involved with 3 of his work mates.
One of which is my deputy boss who has just split from her long term boyf. Now I understand one wanting to let rip a little after a 7 year relationship but does she have to make a complete drunken, fool out of herself in the process? 2 glasses of wine and she is anyone's. Not only this but she uses her alcohol as a pass to spit jealous comments out at me whilst we are amongst friends. Professional huh?
I take the blame a little. I took her under my wing in the first stages of her crisis...but now its gone too far. She's one of these people who make everything about her at the most innapropriate times. The last straw came 2 sundays ago when she began balling her eyes out because the guy she was hitting on wasn't interested. Is it any wonder he's scared off when her chat up ploy is trying to stick her hands down the back of his pants?????
After we had calmed her down i had to pay £30 to get her in a cab home which she didn't say thank you for, nor did she give me the cash back! She is 30 by the way. I'm 26! Whose older?
I guess i'm just feeling everything a little bit more than usual because he isn't here to help me brush it off. Nevermind, in the mean time i'm trying to get things with my boyfriend back on track. Qualtiy time and all that. I do still love him, contrary to what you may all think. it's just that I also have a lot of ove for someone else too, albeit a very different sort of love...... God, I miss him. I miss them both. I miss the way I felt about my boyfriend before the lover came along and now I miss the lover not being here to take me away from my reality. Where will it all end? Somewhere all in tears I hear you all say. Maybe so but at least I can say I did it instead of wondering "what if?" x